Week 2 Reactions- Ok let’s get it.


Thursday night unveiled the beginning of a superstar in the making. #1 overall pick Joe “Joey Icewater” Burrow did not look like a rookie playing in his second career game. He made some throws that were 5 year veteran esque and I, for one, came away impressed with him and his game. As for the actual game the Browns dominated on the ground with Nick Chubb steamrolling the Bungles defense (even though it did take him 5 plays to score from the 1), and the TD vulture Kareem Hunt adding 2 scores himself. There was even an OBJ sighting! In a stunning reversal of the norm, it was Beckham shitting on the cornerback and hauling in a 40yd TD pass from Baker. Didn’t do much else but that was enough for owners to breathe a small sigh of relief, this week anyway. Looks like the Browns gave Austin Hooper $25 million to be an extra blocker...smart. I flat out beg for Cincinnati to protect Burrow with at least semi-competent blockers before they ruin him Andrew Luck style. The kid was essentially running for his life on most plays and if AJ Green was still alive he would have put up even better numbers than he did. I won’t even ding him for the fumble at his own 1 yard line. Myles Garret was on him in 2 seconds and stripped the rookie, but let’s all be grateful he didn’t celebrate by taking Burrow’s helmet off and beating him to death with it. Joe Mixon, be glad faking migraines got you the bag this offseason because you are going to get hit in the backfield a lot this year…


How the fuck are the Bears 2-0? They look terrible against awful defenses and yet they’re undefeated. Allen Robinson wants a new contract and is averaging 3 catches a week. Good luck bro. David Montgomery showed signs of life but it was probably more to the Giants lack of defense than anything else. Saquon Barkley looks like he’s done for the year, damn shame. Nothing else to report about this turd of a game…


After sleepwalking for 3 quarters the Chiefs decided to wake up and put it on the Chargers of Anaheim Orange County downtown LA, or wherever they’re from this week. Patty Mahomes put on his cape and led his team to the win with ridiculous throws and even scrambling several times for first downs. Tyreek got loose for a 50yd TD and Harrison Butker kicked 3 game winning field goals in overtime, showing off his elephant sized balls. Justin Herbert looked good in his debut but apparently Tyrod Taylor will keep his starting job. I don’t even have a joke here…


The Minnesota Vikings got waxed by the Colts, and I’m calling it now, They. Are. Done. Thanks for playing good luck with your early first rounder next year. Kirk Cousins threw 3 picks, and in more surprising news the sun rises in the East and the sky is blue. Waiver wire darling Nyheim Hines put up a stellar 0.9 points this week, making all of his owners that spent a ton of money on him suicidal. Johnathan Taylor’s looked like the real deal and should be a fantasy stud for years to come…


The Buffalo Bills somehow let Miami think it was going to win, easily the most disappointing defense of the week. However Josh Allen, in between chugging beers on the sidelines, went nuts for over 400 yds and 4 TD passes. Is this the ascent people have been calling for? I say let’s wait until he plays a quality defense like the Patriots before we all start sucking him off. Stefon Diggs went for over 150 yds and looks happy to be away from Kirk Cousins…


Kyler Murray continued to look great. His connection with DeAndre Hopkins is lethal, especially when nobody covers him in the end zone. Washington showed some fight but were clearly overmatched. Where the hell is Kenyan Drake? Does he have COVID? Haven’t seen not one highlight this year…


Tom Brady and the Bucs got their first win, somehow not destroying the Panthers who have an injured Christian Mccaffery to deal with. The superstar and #1 overall fantasy pick will miss several weeks with an ankle injury. In related news, Carolina will be picking too 5 in next year’s draft. Mike Evans went for over 100 and a TD but that game was way too close if the Bucs are legit. Robby Anderson continues to shine with Teddy Bridgewater. DJ Moore showed up this week, and they’re gonna need him with CMC out...


The Santa Clara 49ers beat up on the shitty Jets, but lost a ton of talent in the process. Nick Bosa, Raheem Mostert both went out with knee injuries, Bosa for the season. Jimmy Garoppolo also got hurt but I think Nick Mullens is an improvement so no big loss. Not looking good for the NFC champs...


The Packers continued dominance over crappy defenses has the fantasy world buzzing with Aaron Rodgers resurrection reports, but it was Aaron Jones’ show. He swung his big ol hog all over that field and finished with the most fantasy points of the week. Davante Adams may miss some time with an injury, so we’re gonna find out quick what type of team Green Bay really is…


The Ravens walkthrough against the Texans was as boring a game as I’ve ever seen. Looked like Baltimore was just trying to not get hurt for their upcoming showdown with the Chiefs and STILL they were too much for Houston to handle. Texans are trash and I couldn’t be happier I have zero Deshaun Watson stock this year. He’s showing that Hopkins made him…


Looks like the Falcons will spend a ton of time working on onside kick recovery in practice this week. Hey assholes, feel free to pick that up at any point before the 10 yards it has to travel before the other team can. Unbelievable! Dak Prescott went off throwing for 450 yds and 3 rushing TDs to bring the fraud Cowboys all the way back for a win they didn’t deserve. What can you say about the Falcons performance except, yeah that checks out. They do realize that it’s not just about scoring right? There’s a whole other element to football. Pathetic…


Ok are they just catching people by surprise or are the Jaguars not that bad? They’ve shown a ton of fight and had action to beat Tennessee this week after shocking the Colts last week. Now I’m not saying they’ll make the playoffs, but they’re not the dumpster fire we all thought they would be. The Titans are quixotic at best, I can never tell what team is going to show up. But they’re 2-0 so good on them…


The Rams and the Eagles played on Sunday, or so I’m told. Jared Goff put up his usual pedestrian numbers, finding Tyler Higbee 3 times in the end zone. The rest of the team, meh. Philly is a tire fire, my lord. They can’t seem to do anything right. It’s not just the decimated O-line it’s the complete lack of defense as well. What a shit show…


The Steelers went into Mile high and shit all over the Broncos. Ben looked good again, throwing bombs all over the yard hitting several deep passes. James Connor went for over a hundred on the ground, pissing off every Benny Snell owner who acquired him this week. The Broncos showed some fight but Drew Lock got absolutely crushed by a safety and left the game. No news if he’s out for an extended period but there are reports he was seen with a blankie and a baabaa in the locker room after the game. Pittsburgh’s D is fast and vicious but they let the undermanned Broncos stick around way too long…


In the game of the week Russell Wilson, when he wasn’t getting harassed in the pocket, went apeshit again throwing 5 TDs to 5 different receivers and planting his flag on the early MVP race. Cam Newton rushed for some more scores and looked pretty good. He might be all the way back and Belichick, being the evil genius that he is, will find ways to limit Cam’s fuckups. The rumors of the Pats demise may have come too soon, fitting for 2020, we just can’t catch a break. Of course Cam was stopped at the one on the last play of the game but what an entertaining game it was from start to finish...


And lastly the Raiders welcomed the Saints to the Death Star and Derek Carr carved them up all night long. He threw 3TDs and was near perfect on 3rd down. Jon Gruden showed just how massive his balls are by deciding to kick a 54yd field goal to ice the game with just over a minute left. Drew Brees looks old and clearly missed Michael Thomas. Alvin Kamara has a good game but the Saints are flying back home losers. The Raiders are a surprising 2-0 and have a huge test this week against the Patriots. Bill Belichick did his best to spy on the game but with no fans in the stands it probably didn’t work out.


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