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Thumpnasty’s Week 4 reactions: PANIC BUTTON EDITION!!!

So I had a nice joke about Bill O’Brien tanking on purpose for Trevor Lawrence and then immediately trading that pick for a 3rd rounder and a terrible contract for a washed up player...but then he went and got himself fired sooooo I guess it was not to be (super sad face). He leaves a horrible mess in Houston, who doesn’t even have a first round pick anyway. I, for one, will miss him as a GM. Houston is 0-4 and is totally fucked. Vikings got their first win almost by default, but they’re fucked too. Justin Jefferson looks like he could be something and Dalvin is Dalvin. Other than that stay away…


Adam Gase was also fired, sorry I’m just preparing for next week…


The Broncos beat the Jets and nobody cares…


The Ravens beat an awful Redskins team because that’s what they do, destroy shitty teams and get people’s hopes up, only to shit the bed come playoff time. Lamar ran all over them and Mark Andrews remembered how to catch. But that backfield? Ugh, no thanks. This game will be remembered for the last time an NFL team let Dwayne Haskins play. I don’t even have a joke here, it’s just about damn time…


Tom Brady spotted the Anaheim, Orange County, Riverside Chargers a lead. Then told Gronk, who is only good for this one thing anymore, “hold my avocado ice cream”, put on his copper for socks and proceeded to absolutely rain hellfire on the secondary for 5 TDS. Sorry Charger fan, looks like year 58 isn’t gonna end with a Super Bowl either. Tampa looks dialed in, and this is without Chris Godwin. They’re gonna be scary in a few months…


Seattle flew 5,000 miles to make Miami feel stupid. They should have just called. All those picks and trades and they still suck. Tyler Lockett apparently stayed behind and let DK do all the work. Ho hum day for Russ only 360 yards and 2TDs…


The Saints are in trouble, they could barely handle the Lions. Yes, they beat the Cardinals last week, but does anyone think they’re actually good? I sure don’t. Michael Thomas can’t get back fast enough, and honestly Drew Brees looks like me throwing left handed-not a compliment. Kamara is still a league winner and that’s all there is in New Orleans anymore…


Someone reminded Joe Mixon he was still alive and he tore the Jags a new asshole with a career game.( Does a career game even count if it’s against Jacksonville?)

Joey Burrow got his first win and looks like a future superstar despite his O-line letting the defense blitz after counting the appropriate number of alligators (not allies, nobody likes a cheater)...


The Browns went into allas and smashed the Cowboys ass just about every way you can do it. Not a typo, no D found anywhere in Texas. Dak went off for 500 yards and still managed to come up short when it mattered. I’m told Zeke played, but I must have missed his one good play. Trickeration, razzle dazzle and good old fashioned ram it down your throat football gave allas their 3rd loss of the season and they should be 0-4. Can’t wait to see what Jerry does this offseason…


How did the Rams struggle with the Giants? I mean seriously they should have won by 50, what a waste of a fantasy day except for Cooper Kupp. Gross!...


The Bills are still undefeated, coming into Vegas and messing around until it was time to put the Raiders away. Josh Allen continues his claim to fantasy stud by making just some ridiculous throws. They still have to prove it against good teams and that Defense is slightly suspect, but they look good so far. Remember when the Raiders were 2-0 and there was hope in the air? Yeah that’s over. Gonna be another long year. Sigh…


Big Dick Nick looked a whole lot like “it’s cold in here” Foles for 55 minutes of the game against the Colts. Did anyone have a good game in this one? I don’t think it ever showed up on the Red Zone channel at all. I don’t know, I’m just glad we live in a world where the Bears are no longer among the unbeaten…


How bad have the Niners been decimated by injury? They lost to the Fucking Eagles! The same Eagles that couldn’t handle Washington. What a complete reprisal of the Titanic by Santa Clara, bravo! George Kittle did everything he could to will his rotting corpse of a team to victory by taking out what can only be a John Holmes’ size dong and slapping everyone on the field with it, but it was not to be. Oh well, next year I suppose. I have nothing good to say about Philly whatsoever…


The Falcons decided to reverse their luck by not playing with a lead even for a second against the Packers. The only problem with that is they’re not very good and Aaron Rodgers lit their world on fire by throwing to a collection of practice squad players over and over. Why does Dan Quinn still have a job? I don’t even mean as a head coach, I actually mean a job in general. He’s never been good at coaching, I can’t imagine he’s better at the fry machine at McDonald’s. Yawn, Aaron Jones is good at football-same old same old. Packers are legit this year for sure with no kryptonite Niners to be embarrassed by…


The other Monday night game, I won’t lie I was stuck at work and didn’t see even one second of this game. However, it seems like Andy Reid knew that with Cam out they were gonna be able to beat whatever cadaver was taking snaps for the Patriots. Seemed like a vanilla playbook knowing damn well they might meet again in January. Smart. Pattycakes Mahomes did just enough to get the win without taking too many risks, sucks for fantasy but good for the Chiefs. Whatever will the Patriots do without Sony Michel for the next few weeks? It’ll be a struggle for sure...


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