Thumpnasty’s Week 3 Reactions: Something to look at while taking a dump


Miami and Jacksonville played Thursday night to the delight of absolutely no one on earth. The game started out pretty good, looking like it was going to be a barnburner...not so much. Those of you who played anyone in that game, (cough) Mike Gesicki, were left disappointed again. It started out like it was gonna be a fireworks show but fizzled out pretty fast and became almost unwatchable. James Robinson (who?!) had himself a great fantasy day scoring twice and somehow equaled Dalvin Cook who had 180 rushing yards…the system is broken people…


The Santa Clara 49ers continued their tour of New Jersey and dominated the Division 3 Intramural Giants, even though every one of their skill players died the last few weeks. Jerrick McKinnon had a nice day and then immediately exploded to the surprise of no one.I’d like to give a reaction but I didn’t watch not one second of this trash game. Moving on…


Cincinnati and Philly played a game of hot potato, “I don’t want to win you take it No, you take it”. Neither team seemed interested in going for the win and so they tied. Tyler Boyd has a good game and Joe Burrow continues to look good despite taking a late hit that put me on IR for several weeks just watching it. Carson Wentz looks awful but when he has no O-line it makes the Bengals looks like the 85 Bears. What a shit show…


The Raiders went to New England are were clearly overmatched by Bill Belichick, though it seems unfair that they were allowed to use 48 DBs at the same time. They probably didn’t need to get EVERY call, but the NFL will always screw the Raiders given the chance. Rex Burkhead caught approximately 978 screen passes and scored 3 times. It seemed like they were playing it on a loop and I thought my WiFi was fucking up, but alas, it was not. Those who started Burkhead, buy a lottery ticket because you are the luckiest person that has ever lived…


On a sad note, the Mitchell Trubisky era came to a screeching halt. The Bears benched him and Big Dick Nick Foles came in and balled out against the Falcons. He threw 3TDs and once again ripped the soul out of Atlanta fans who, at this point, won’t even trust a 100 point lead at the 2 minute warning of the 4th quarter. Allen Robinson was resurrected and have you ever seen a man with a bigger smile on his face? The Bears are somehow 3-0 and it feels weird even typing that sentence…


On the flip side of a 28-3 lead, the Bills were able to withstand the furious comeback by the Rams and hold on to win the game. They can thank their lucky stars that Joshy Allen is going bananas this year because that defense is fucking garbage. Allen was responsible for 5TDs and is a relevant fantasy starter, something I NEVER thought I would say. Cooper Kupp, Bobby Woods and Darrell Henderson all had great fantasy days for the Rams. Aaron Donald did his absolute best to kill Josh Allen but he wasn’t enough to prevent the loss…


I don’t know what to make of this Steelers team. They’ll look great, but they have a really bad habit of letting clearly inferior teams hang around. That will absolutely come back to bite them in the ass against good teams. Deshaun Watson did his best to drag the carcass of the Texans into the winners circle but was unable to make the big plays necessary. Maybe if they still had DeAndre Hopkins they could look like a functional offense? James Connor continues to defy the odds and finished his second consecutive football game on his own two feet, way to go buddy! Other than Connor not a lot of fantasy production from either side…


This week my “how the fuck is this team undefeated?” goes to the Titans. They barely hold on against Minnesota, who is a dumpster fire at this point, barely hold off the Jaguars last week and luck out against Denver in week 1. Not buying any of this bullshit, especially since Ryan Tannehill is their QB. I’m not sure how they’re doing it, but smoke and mirrors only go so far. We’ll see what happens when they play a football team. Dalvin Cook and Justin Jefferson went apeshit for the Vikings but it wasn’t enough to overcome having Kirk Cousins as their QB. Anyone that said Kalif Raymond would lead the Titans in receiving yards is a fucking liar…


Aaron Rodgers managed to dominate the Saints with a bunch of guys he picked up at Home Depot on the way to the game. He had to use a cargo van to fit that giant chip on his shoulder too. The dude is clearly on a mission and the Pack look motivated after getting embarrassed, twice, by the 49ers last year. Alvin Kamara was incredible again, busting out the joystick a few times to humiliate defenders, but doing it again in a loss. Drew Brees can’t get the ball farther than 9” down the field and that look in his eyes is the”why didn’t I just Tony Romo this shit?” look…


It’s been reported that it was, in fact, Austin Ekeler that stabbed Tyrod Taylor in the lungs while he was being held down by Keenan Allen. Both have been rejuvenated by a less than trash QB in Justin Herbert. Hasn’t led to any wins yet, I mean they lost to the terrible Panthers but a moral victory counts these days in San Diego/San Bernardino/Tijuana/ or wherever the fuck they moved to. I’d ask a Chargers fan, but they’re a lot like Sasquatch sightings: many reports very little evidence…


The Lions somehow upset the mighty Cardinals. Kyler Murray completely shit the bed with his worst game as a pro. Guess they’re not going undefeated. Kenyan Drake is still missing, maybe he got mono from Sam Darnold?..


Speaking of Sam Darnold-nevermind I have nothing good to say about him or the shitty Jets. The colts sent their practice squad team and they slapped the hapless Jets around…


At this point OBJ is out there playing corner, defending passes from being picked. Might as well do something to earn that paycheck. The Browns ran all over Washington and made Dwayne Haskins look like Dwayne Haskins-not a compliment…


The Cowboys thou

ght they were on Seattle’s level, even taking a late lead in the 4th. But Russ was just too much and Hot Lockett torched that repugnant secondary for 3TDs. Dak put up great fantasy numbers, but again when the game was on the line he played like a 4th round pick. He’ll be playing elsewhere next year…


Patty Mahomes saw what Russell Wilson did and said “hold my ketchup” the went out and flat outset the Ravens on fire. It was almost comical to see him toying with a team that many thought was a real Super Bowl contender. Mahomes took Lamar Jackson, put him over his knee and spanked his bottom for even thinking he was in the same airspace as the king. Shoulda been a good game, it was not…


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