$#!* just got real.....

Thumpnasty’s week 5 reactions.......


What the hell happened on Thursday night? Did we actually get a game worth watching? Yes, the fuck we did! Chicago and Tampa battled the whole game and the Bears were able to outlast the Bucs and come away with the win. I’m not even really sure how they did it, except maybe Khalil Mack remembered he was a dominant edge rusher and just ABUSED that rookie tackle. He was in Brady’s ass all night. Speaking of Brady, his weenie arm may have been exaggerated, but have you ever seen him make worse throws? How many times did he miss an open receiver or throw into coverage? I don’t know what to think but old Tom Brady leads his team down the field and gets that win…


Wait a minute...is that...is that Alex Smith’s music?! After almost 2 full years of missing out after breaking his leg in the just about the worst way possible, Alex Smith returns to action for Washington. That’s crazy and awesome. Made no difference in the game at all, but good for you Alex Smith! That is one tough hombre! Don’t know if coming back to get manhandled by Aaron Donald was smart, but still a nice story. The Rams dominated in every way, Jared Goff had himself a nice day and Bobby Woods got loose for a 56yd score and the Rams improved to 4-1.


Speaking of disgusting injuries, Dak goes down, and, I swear to god, I almost threw up when I saw the replay. Just awful. Hopefully, he can make it all the way back to the field at some point. Dallas ended up winning that game, but their season is pretty much over. Counting on Andy Dalton to take you to the promised land is an exercise in futility, just ask the Bengals. Daniel Jones couldn’t get it going against THAT defense. Too early to call him a bust? Probably not…


Las Vegas strolled into Kansas City and slapped the shit out of the defending champs, using their own tricks against them. Henry Ruggs and his ridiculous speed had the secondary playing off all day and Derek Carr took advantage of that by shredding the defense all day and leading the surprising Raiders to the win. Patty Mahomes just couldn’t get it going against a frisky defense that harassed him all day. His numbers looked great, finishing as the QB1, but he did not have a good game…


Miami flat out embarrassed the Niners on their own turf. I mean 43-17 at home? Not like they were playing the ‘73 Dolphins there. Jimmy G came back from injury and played well enough to get benched. They are spiraling right now, and it’s not getting any easier with division games coming up. The dolphins meanwhile keep surprising people and Ryan Fitzpatrick slung it all day and is still a viable fantasy starter in the right matchup…


The Houston Texans celebrated the firing of B.O.B by going and putting a whupping on the shitty Jaguars. Clearly, they were on an emotional high for getting rid of that turd, but can they keep it going? Gonna save you the time to reflect on that. It’s no. Definitely not. But hey, they got a win and that’s better than losing…


Atlanta is going full-on tanking for Trevor, looking overmatched against a very obviously rebuilding Panthers team. That window slammed shut on them quickly and now they’re stuck in it like a stepmom in a Pornhub clip just getting railed. Aging roster with a QB that has clearly lost his fastball. Ouch. At least they cut the cancer out by firing Dan Quinn, just several years too late to make a difference. The Panthers are a plucky team that doesn’t quit. I like where they’re headed. Matt Rhule seems to not be out of his element and that’s a big help…


What is Indianapolis? Are they good? Are they average? Is the defense one of the best or at they just getting lucky turnovers? Honestly, I can’t tell. They lose to the Jags, get manhandled by the Browns. I don’t know what to make of this team. On the other hand, Cleveland is looking like they might just make some noise this year. Obviously, when they reach the playoffs they’re gonna face better teams, but they’re not the train wreck they have been and Browns fans will take that any day of the week…


Kyler Murray looked like the number one overall pick, throwing bombs, running around like he was at recess-but he did it against the Jets so it doesn’t count. Somehow Super Bowl legend Joey Flacco was unable to bring the lifeless Jets to more than 10 points against what isn’t exactly known as an upper-tier defense. Can the Jets just all get COVID and forfeit their season already? Maybe they should all just take a flight to Tennessee and get it over with. Why are we all being punished for their ineptitude? My TV actually starts to cry when their games are on…


Someone, please have Joe Burrow work on his internal clock ASAP. He’s holding the ball waaaaaay too long and he’s gonna get injured at some point when some DE smashes him from behind. It was like watching a replay over and over. Baltimore did what it always does against bad teams, they dominated. Let’s see what happens when they play a football team…


Speaking of teams with inflated records against trash, Seattle took advantage of the Vikings trying to ice the game, and of course failing, with Russ Wilson driving all the way down the field and throwing the game-winning TD on 4th down with 10 seconds to go. Dalvin Cook’s injury no doubt played a huge role in Minnesota choking away this game. Alex Mattison looked good as his replacement, but there isn’t any doubt Dalvin picks up that last yard and seals the deal. The Seahawks looked terrible in the first half, but were able to steal a win. Not sure I believe in Seattle as they have a terrible defense, no pass rush at all and they’re not running like they used to. Not a good recipe for playoff success. Enjoy the offensive explosion while it lasts because this team will not do much in January when good teams run all over them and leave Mr. Unlimited standing on the sidelines…


The Steelers and Eagles went to war with the Steelers able to pull out the victory by unleashing Chase Claypool all over the Eagles' face. The rookie scored 4 times to push the Steelers to 4-0 for the first time since 1979. Really? 1979? They’ve been good for a long time how The fuck have they not been 4-0 for 40 years? It was actually a decent game considering the Steelers came in with a Top 5 defense. Miles Sanders remembered where the end zone was, scoring twice. One was a 76-yard run. Of course, he finished with 80 so let’s call that blind ass luck. Philly has some juice but ultimately talent won out...


Monday night turned out to be a good game unless you’re one of the last 9 remaining Charger fans. Up 20-3 with a struggling Drew Brees, who was slinging wounded ducks all over the field, they figured out a way to shit the bed again. It’s almost comical the way they lose close games at this point. I keep waiting for the circus music to come blaring through the speakers. It wasn’t all bad, Justin Herbert looks like he was worth the 6th pick in the draft and the defense is still pretty good despite the injuries. But allowing a Saints team that is clearly struggling without Mikey Thomas to basically do whatever it wanted in the 2nd half to win that game is just ugly. There was the doinked field goal at the end of regulation, but you can’t tell me that was completely unexpected. At this point, the best they can hope for is playing spoiler to playoff contenders…


Finally, on Tuesday the Bills went to Tennessee and got worked. Ryan Tannehill. Yes, Ryan Tannehill lit the banged-up Bills secondary on fire. Flat out smashed them any way he wanted. I know, I couldn’t believe it either. Joshy Allen had a few turnovers and cost his team a chance to stay undefeated. He did make some incredible throws but it wasn’t enough. Derrick Henry threw a stiff arm so hard I swear I saw Josh Norman’s soul leave his body. Fuckin ragdolled him! Henry is just a different type of animal….


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